Reflections

The market was the first stop of the day.  Everyone stayed on the bus except a few of us as the missionaries who are helping us/we are helping said this was not the safest market around BUT they have the best selection and price on fruit.  Everything looked great.  Baskets of all types of fruit filled the tables; the colors and smells mixing to add to the scene.  Many I recognized but many I didn’t.  Another interesting thing about the fruit here, the pineapple is white and actually sweeter than the stuff back home and the papaya are HUGE.

The fruit in tow we head off to the leper colony.  I honestly have no idea what to expect.  I mean, I’ve never seen a leper colony.  We gathered under a large covered patio of sorts and were greeted by a man in a wheelchair. He was very happy to see us and greeted us with a great smile and Buenos Dias.  My bad habit of not remembering names seems to have followed me here, as I can’t remember his. But I’ll know his face forever.  Missing his feet and all his fingers even a bit of his nose and yet… Full of joy.  I asked him later if he knew Jesus… “Oooh Si Si, El es Rey”  or something along  those lines, my Spanish is a bit on the rusty side. But I already knew the answer; you can recognize that joy no matter the ethnicity or language.

They rang a bell and the other residents came out to meet us.  After the first hellos the youth did several dances and dramas with us giving a small testimony/intro before each.  It was great.  There was this one little girl, maybe 10 months old, not quiet a year.  Oooh she was smiling like crazy as she watched James do his dance.  He does this pop/slide/moon walk thing.  She was even moving her feet trying to copy him.  It was precious.

After the dramas we had more time to talk and pray with the individual residents.  That was great.  One man told me he has lived there for 20 years and never gone outside the walls.  We said our good byes with hugs all around. The thing about these people, they have been outcasts from their society.  All they wanted was for us to be there, to not be afraid to touch them or hug them without instantly pulling out the anti-bacterial wash.  So it was great to just hold their hands and hug them and let them know they matter.

The next stop was the orphanage.  This brought us outside of Managua.  The mountains and trees were beautiful.  The bus went down this crazy dirt road.  High five to the driver, man he is good.  This we are told is what most of Nicaragua looks like.  Dirt roads, small shack type houses with no windows or screens, chickens in the yard, no cars BUT there was an occasional TV.  The bus only got us so close and we walked the rest of the way.  I’ve made a habit of walking in the back of the group just so no one is left behind.  This was the best place to be today.  As we were walking along the road the kids ran to their fences to watch us and wave.  First one started to follow us then another then another.  They were great.  Soon four of us lagged behind the main group to talk to this group of kids.  We had some candy for the orphanage but decided to give some out early to the “neighborhood” kids.. We hugged them laughed with them as we walked the rest of the way, the group growing bigger and bigger along the way.  It sort of reminded me of the pied piper.

As we entered the orphanage the neighborhood kids stopped outside the fence and watched us the whole time.  The orphans were great too.  Many of them just wanted to be held.  They would walk up and tap you on the leg and hold their hands up… Just wanting to be picked up.

One little one grabbed my hand guiding me somewhere saying “Mira mira…”  she pulled me to the kitchen were we received a quick lesson in preparing fresh pato (umm that’s duck).  They had just cut the head and stuck it in hot water to remove the feathers. The guy said if its cold water the skin squeezes or something like that and makes it hard to remove the feathers.  Once again, I’m sure something was lost in my translation.  They couple kids who were helping the guy thought this was the coolest thing.  It was pretty cool really.  The plan, duck soup, it sounded pretty good really… onions, garlic, tomatoes, some other stuff I didn’t know how to translate and, well, duck of course.  I’m sure they had soup often, as they only had one duck for all 20 kids and the workers.

We spent some time just playing and talking to the kids.  I even learned a new hand thingy.  You know, like Miss Mary Mac.  This one was Pon Pon Pon, quien quien quien… and it went on from there. A bit later I noticed some of the girls making a circle of chairs.  It wasn’t long before they grabbed us and guided us to the makeshift stage. Its funny little girls are the same no matter where you go.  You see they pulled us here… four got in the middle then giggling told us to wait and ran off to the other room… After a bit more practice they came back… They wanted to dance for us.  It was so fun holding a little one on my lap, watching them do their show.  It actually reminded me of my own daughter and her friends as they often create dances to perform for us many times running back to the room to make sure its just right.

Then we broke out the face paint and balloons.  The long skinny kind you make animals with.  We also had some beads and stuff to make bracelets.  A great time was had by all.  Heck I even got my face painted by one of the kids.  Hopefully I’ll get some pictures from some of the other team members.

But eventually the time came… We had to go.  It was hard to say goodbye really.  The kids wanted to keep playing, we wanted to keep playing… But we had to go.  So we cleaned up, packed up and walked down the road to the bus.

Tomorrow the plan is to go to the missionary’s clinic and put up the playground, paint, dig, clean, whatever they need us to do, we’ll do.  I’m looking forward to another great day.

Oh yeah, have I mentioned yet that it’s hot here?  Of course I DO live in Georgia so I am use to some hot weather.  BUT, in Georgia we have AC in the house.  Here… We have a fan.  So the first day took a bit of getting use to all heat all the time.  But today, I’m pretty much adjusted.  I welcome the sweat; it makes the fan that much more enjoyable.

So what are we learning?  This whole Christianity thing really isn’t about whether you are going to heaven or hell… It’s really more of a heart matter.  Is God in your life… Really in it and you… shining His love through you so the rest of the world might know him?  And were not only here giving to those in need… we are receiving as well…

July 23, 2006

12:45 AM came early having just gone to bed at 10:30 that night. A quick shower, loaded up the suitcase then my wife and my son jumped in the car with me and we headed to the church.  You see, the plan was to leave the church at 2 (…A  M).

We arrived at the same time as another car about twenty till 2.  Apparently the plan was MEET at two not LEAVE at two…

Finally everyone arrives, we load up the vans, and head up to Atlanta.  A couple hours later we are on a plan, and then many hours later we arrive in Managua, Nicaragua.  Amazingly we get through customs without a hitch PLUS all the luggage is there PLUS the sound system made it intact.  All of it.  You see we purchased a sound system to give to a missionary here who is planning to build a church building soon.  So we checked it as additional baggage.  The crazy thing was no there’s an embargo of sorts so you cannot check any type of box.  SO the speakers were checked as is, out of the box, and they arrived, no damage, no pilferage.

Driving from the airport to our accommodations gives a good overview of Managua.  It really is a large city with a lot of people.  To me, it resembles Mexico, the roads, the signs, the architecture.

The house we are staying in is great with plenty of room for the 28 of us in the group.   We finished off the day, hanging out and relaxing, walking around the neighborhood a bit, then playing cards and talking before bedtime.

Tomorrow, we are headed to an orphanage and possibly a clinic that serves a leper colony.

A note of prayer… I’ve been asked to give a message Thursday.  Actually before we left I was asked to keep my heart open for a message.  Normally, God just dumps stuff into me.  But, I know my community, I know the people he normally brings into my life.  But, I don’t know the people of Managua and I’m drawing a blank even as I pray and read.  But I trust God.  He’ll give  me the words.

So we were sitting in staff meeting and the subject of benevolence came up. That led to a conversation about a couple people who would like to give their time to do financial counseling to people who continually call the church asking for monetary help. This isn’t a bad idea, but like someone brought up, we have offered these classes before and they just never stick to it.

As I was sitting there listening to the conversation it sort of fit in with all the stuff God has been talking to me about regarding ministry. You see, we never live in community with these people. We say, come here, listen to this teaching, and apply these five easy steps and your financial future will only improve over time. Then we go back to our lives and wonder why they just can’t follow this simple outline… heck I do and it works for me… right?

But I don’t live where they live. Not just locale but in life. I don’t have kids selling drugs on the corner of my street to buy bread because mom is passed out on the couch. I don’t have to worry about inviting someone with a different color skin to my house at night for fear the neighbors might jump them. I don’t live where they live. WE don’t live where they live. We somehow need to get beyond helping and begin joining.

I see God drawing me to this community more and more. The interactions and things that just happen to me, my heart, the compassion God placed in me… all those things working together. I still don’t know where or what that will look like.

But I can certainly understand Pauls comments about its better for a man to not marry so his thoughts will be toward pleasing the Lord and not concerned about pleasing his wife. I mean, if I wasn’t married with kids… I could so see myself moving downtown, living where I see the need. But I don’t want my kids there… or my wife…

Whats THAT say about my faith… hmmmm

You see, I’m willing to put myself in harms way if I know its where God wants me to be. In fact I do way more than the wife is happy with. I really don’t fear the world when its just me. But I don’t have the same conviction? confidence? faith?… whatever… when it comes to my wife and kids.

Don’t get me wrong. I totally involve my family in the things I do for God. They went with us to Bay St Louis even when the CDC cautioned heavily against children going. They work with us at the Ronald McDonald House. They have been with me on many occasions when I have decided to stop and help total strangers… they are part of my life, therefore part of my ministry…

I was reading The New Saint Benedict by Ivan Kauffman and came across this:

If you choose to view the world as a place of danger to be avoided, it will become that�a lawless jungle in which we humans are trapped. If instead
you choose to view the world as a garden to be tended, as a great gift given
us by God, it will become what God intended it to be�a place of great
beauty and happiness.

Do not flee the world. Enter joyfully into its problems and possibilities.

That just resonates with me.

Anyway, just thinking out loud here for the most part

We spent the weekend at the Ronald McDonald House this past weekend. I really do enjoy giving our time for this place. My family (my wife, two kids and I) volunteer as weekend managers 5 or 6 times a year. It’s so wonderful to be able to help people. When your child is in the hospital, it just does stuff to you. I know when my daughter was there I would have paid any price to trade places and take that suffering away from her. The same goes for my son. When it’s your kids who are sick… it just sucks that much more.

The RMH is great. Its one less thing you have to think about or plan or worry about while your child is in the hospital. If you haven’t heard of them, please take some time and find out more. THEN find the closest one to you and support them. Basically it is a home away from home. They provide a room and dinner each night as well as places to rest, watch TV, play games, talk to other parents who might be going through the same thing, many have fully stocked kitchens. All for a very reasonable price, $15 a night and if that’s too much, they truly work with you.

So anyway, here we are at the RMH. The dinner that night was this beef stroganoff dish with small meat balls, grilled veggies, squash casserole, salad and bread. My daughter was like “mmmm Dad, this is soooooooo good.â€? so she finished up that plate and wanted more. As we sat back down I realized I may have put too much on her plate the second time around. So I told her, “You don’t have to eat all that. I don’t want you getting sick from eating too much.â€? It was right then, I felt it….

Let me back up just a bit. Not only do they have a fully stocked kitchen, there are piles and piles of sweets and treats: Cookies, cakes, candy, sweet rolls, pastries from Panera bread (they donate them, and ooooh they are good). So of course, we can’t help but eat those during the day. So after dinner, we do the dishes, close the curtains and finish up the night time chores and head down to our makeshift apartment. The conference room has a full bathroom and a pull out sofa and a couple cots for the kids, home sweet home for the weekend. Megan has a nuked cinnamon roll in tow. I wanted a coke, so I let her get one as well. Once again, “Megan, maybe you shouldn’t eat that I don’t want you getting sick.â€?… “I’m fine dad…. gosh…â€? ok ok ok… I know… I should be the parent and all that jazz… but sometimes… it’s better for them to experience life…

So sure enough 3 AM rolls around. Tap tap tap on my shoulder as I am pulled up from my dreams. “I feel sick daddy.â€? so me in my half sleep… “Well just go in the bathroom sweetheart.â€? then a couple minutes… seconds… who really knows… time doesn’t work right when you are in that almost dreaming sleep/awake state. “No really dad, my stomach doesn’t feel good.â€?… “Well go to the bathroom sweetheart.â€? comes out of my mouth as I hear her running to the bathroom and then… splash… ooooh I’m awake now. All I can say, I’m glad that part of the room is tile not carpet.

So I rushed in the bathroom, helped her get cleaned up. “I’m sorry dad. But I feel a lot better now.� , “That’s ok sweetheart. Go ahead and go back to bed.�

My wife hears me almost gag a couple times. You know, the smell and all, and she gets up to help as well. Between the two of us, we get it all cleaned up and ready to go. Ready for a new day.

I found this while browsing blogs at Jacobs Well . It was posted by Jeremy Bauer on his blog.

I’m not sure how old or new this video is… but it was new to me and I thought it was kinda funny… soooooo here it is.

EDIT: ooops I forgot you can no longer embed video here. Sooo you can see it on my other blog (Basically a copy of this one)

Last Wednesday we had about 500 people show up for our midweek service. Of course, we had it at Lake Tobesofkee! It was great. We had music, volleyball, frisbee, beach football, food, swimming, a ski show, boat rides, jet skiis and lots of fun. The best part of the night… We did baptisms in the lake. 38 people signed up but several called and said they couldn’t make it, but several people also made decisions there to get baptised. So I think we ended up baptising 36 people. And the best of the best part… I had the honour of baptising my brother and his girlfriend. Way cool if ya ask me!!

Here’s a few pictures of the baptisms:

My Brother and Stephanie

All in all… a great night!

Last night I’m sitting in a coffee shop with several friends from church. Actually we go there most Wednesday nights. One of the girls from the college group asks me the name of that book I was talking about a couple weeks ago. I remembered it was “The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an ordinary radicalâ€? By Shane someone… Clay… something.. claystone… or Clairborne… yeah I think Clairborne.. but I’m not sure.

So I went to my truck and grabbed the book. It just happened to be sitting on the passenger seat. When I brought it in and showed her, another person from the college group, who wasn’t at said previous meeting, said… “Oh I picked that up the other day and thought… this a Brian bookâ€?. So I told them a little more about the book and Shane’s story.

Oh yeah, it’s Claiborne btw. So I was close…

That sort of got me thinking about some stuff I have been thinking about lately. And got me thinking about what other people think of when they think of me. Make sense?

What is it about that book that makes it a Brian kind of book? What do people call me or say about me? I think I know. Well, at least I know what they say when I’m standing there. Who KNOWS what they say when I’m not around.

My boss at my day job calls me a troublemaker. He also thinks I’m some kind of bohemian who sits in the park playing his guitar barefoot everyday. (Ok so I do that on occasion at lunch, down by the river, during the cooler months.) But he doesn’t mean troublemaker in a BAD way. You see, I’m not very big on the status quo. I mean, there’s almost always a better more efficient way to do something, especially when you’re talking computers. I just don’t buy the line “Don’t fix it if it aint broke� or “That’s the way we’ve always done it.� you know? My thing is, let’s look at what we are doing, why we do it that way and then step back and look for a better way to do it. Maybe there isn’t one, but maybe there is. If you never step back and look, then you’ll never know.

That same thing seems to follow me into my other job as well. Well, more of a passion for ministry than a job, but you get the idea. You see, sometimes church, well, they like the status quo…

At my “homeâ€? church… they called me a rebel. My earring drove em nuts and they just couldn’t understand why I wanted to do some of the things I suggested we do. You don’t even want to know the rumors and gossip that spread like wild fire when they discovered my…. are you sitting down?? *whispering* “My tattooâ€? *gasp*

SIDE NOTE: I actually learned a good deal about spiritual authority there. I was a young Christian with a rebellious spirit anyway. So I eventually did stop wearing my earring. I mean, it became this huge stumbling block to ministry. So why would I allow my freedom to hinder someone else? So I just stopped wearing it

My current Senior Pastor has told me on several occasions that I challenge him. I’m not so sure that’s a good thing, but he assures me it is. For my birthday lunch, he typically does a little speech about everyone… Mine was… “And then there’s Brian… He’s our out of the box thinker.â€? I was told our Bishop described me as a revolutionary.

But you see, none of this is intentional. I mean, I’m just being me. I’m not trying to be different. I’m just doing the best I can do to listen to God and look for direction. I can’t help it if he dumps these visions in my mind that just don’t fit the mold of “what we’ve always done�.

From the day I became a Christian it seems I have run up against walls. God will give me this vision, and it seems stuff gets in the way: people, tradition, time…. me. There’s so much that has brought me to where I am. God called me to ministry some 9 years ago… my daughter got cancer putting things on hold for almost 5 years. I pastored a small church in small town Georgia and the tradition of religion stopped that. I became the college pastor where I am now. Which I love by the way. I belong to the best community of believers, the best pastoral staff, I truly love it. But even here, I run into walls of… that’s not how we do it here.

But that is being blown away. Walls are totally being knocked over, stepped over, pushed down… well, you get the idea.

OK… where was I going with this post? A couple things I guess. I really am trying to keep this from being one of those post so long you only read the first paragraph.

ONE: Being an “out of the boxâ€? thinker, trouble maker, revolutionary, bohemian… well… it can be a lonely place. You see, its just human nature to hang out with people who think like you think. People who agree with you and see things the way you see them. BUT, if you don’t think like everyone else that happens to be in your circle… well, then you just don’t make those tight relationships. Now, I’ve tried to wear the box. I’ve been asked to PLEASE try this box on. I’ve tried to find one that fit. They just don’t seem to make them my size here. So what do you do?

TWO: Even when you know you are exactly where God wants you to be. Even when you can look back on the past nine years and totally understand why God led you where he did and understand why you faced the difficulties and successes. Even though you know that you know… Even when you trust God fully with things, its still hard sometimes even though you know…

Questions and doubt still seem to slip in. Why have they been hired but I haven’t? How come I still can’t do that? or this? Or… OK God… I’ve been doing and waiting and preparing, even pushing and jumping out before you were ready (I learned that lesson a couple times) can we finish the waiting thing now??

So what do you do? Well I’m not sure what you do, but I pray. I try to make sure I am where God wants me to be. All I can do is what I believe God is telling me to do. I submit to those in authority above me. Trusting and knowing that God placed me under their leadership for a reason. Trust me, I am one of those people that honestly believe its better to do something and have it be wrong than do nothing at all. BUT if God says wait, well then I wait.

It just gets lonely sometimes sitting out here on the edge waiting.

June 6, 2006

Possibly the only time in my life it will happen… its everywhere… MySpace, MSN, Yahoo, Fox News…

and I’m thinking… ummm yeah?  So what.

My sons girl friends father has leukemia and is headed to Emory in Atlanta, GA for a bone marrow transplant around the end of June.

Once the procedure is complete he will need to live within 15 miles from Emory for 3 or 4 months. I know from when we had to do the same thing with my daughter its hard to find a place in that area for under $2000 a month and even harder to find someone willing to rent on a month to month contract. If anyone has any contacts who might be able to help, please let me know,

Thanks

Wow has it really  been almost a month since I’ve posted last??

Yep, I just haven’t had time for blogging lately.  I haven’t even been reading them.

Well, last night we moved our college service to a downtown park just outside one of the colleges here.  We had some things get in the way, the stage didn’t get set up because stuff came up, we almost didn’t have bathrooms because I discovered last minute you have to pay the city $75 to open them.  I forgot the hotdog buns and had to go get them.  Then on the way to the park I realized the hotdogs and burgers were still in the fridge at the office.  Yet another delay in setting up.  Once we got to the park we decided to use a gazebo because there just wasn’t enough time to setup a stage.  Soooo I had to ask people to please move because we were setting up a band.  The $75 actually reserved the gazebo too.

So anyway, everything worked out.  The band got setup, food got cooked and eaten, and people in the park actually stopped to listen to the band.  It was pretty cool worshiping in public, unashamedly.

This guy, named Larry, came by looking for some cigarette money. He had been drinking or something so it was very hard to understand what he was saying.   I told him I didn’t have money to give him but he was more than welcome to have a burger or a hot dog or both.   He left with two burgers and a couple cokes.

Later after the service we played a game of kick ball.  You know, even though the team I was on lost, that was pretty fun.  So after kickball we are packing things up getting ready to leave and Larry comes back.  He wanted money for cigarettes again but then asked if we could pray for him.  A couple of us stopped, listened, and prayed for him.  He just got out of jail you see and had no where to live.  He told me he hopes he can do better.  Stop doing what he’s been doing so maybe God will love him.  What a moment… I told him… You know Larry, it doesn’t matter what you are doing or have done.  God doesn’t want you to change just for him to love you.  He knows how hard it is to change on your own.  He made you, he loves you right now, right here, today… exactly the way you are.  There’s nothing you can do to change yourself to make God love you more.  All he wants is for you to love him and ask him to help you.  We told him about Jesus.  How he already paid the price and how even though he was physically free from jail, God was offering real freedom. Through teary eyes, he said he wanted to believe that.  But I could see, there was something there, not allowing him to believe it was true, even though he so wanted to believe.

Anna asked if he knew Jesus and had he asked him into his life… Larry said he did when he was young.  He didn’t want to go beyond that right now.

I know this blog doesn’t reach hundreds of readers a day or anything… but for those who do read it.  Say a prayer for Larry.  For his freedom and for him to open his heart and respond to the call of the Holy Spirit.

The whole night, praying through the stumbling blocks, praising and singing with the band, the message, all of it… put me exactly where I needed to be to talk to Larry.